I reached out to one of my many clients to see how she was doing during this time of Covid-19. She emailed me back saying, “this is the weirdest time ever.” An understatement in my opinion. This covid-19 has completely pulled the carpet out from under our feet. Our footing is not grounded in what it was before. I know, I know I am not the first person to be writing or talking about what we are going through and are we through it yet? Is it a “going through” or is it our new reality?

Things are not the same anymore for sure.

We wear masks and keep physically distant. (Stop using the word socially distant please. It only adds to the weirdness.) We are social beings and it’s not that we are being socially distant, we remain social despite the protocols. My friend last week mentioned this concept to me and it totally makes sense. We zoom with one another, we communicate via social media, we take walks with a 6 foot physical distance between. If anything, my connections are stronger now than before with friends and family.

Last week I was informed that I could reopen my business. Besides making art, which I have done my entire life, I am also a licensed Massage Therapist and Certified Reflexologist. With that said, I was ordered by the state to close shop and for the last 3 months, my income went from a thriving 18 average clients a week to 0 clients, meaning no income. So what did I do? I hustled together some online classes to teach, applied for unemployment, grants and looked into loans. Got rejected for unemployment the first time around because self-employed people aren’t normally accepted. I then applied again under the Pandemic Unemployment Assistance act, temporary terms to accept self-employed for UI-unemployment insurance and got accepted. I had money saved up, but I started to worry because even though I was accepted for UI, when I submitted my weekly report it said I was entitled to $0. I had so many questions so I tried reaching the unemployment office via phone and email. In response I received an automatic reply basically saying to sit and wait and after calling only a recording telling me to call tomorrow. Tomorrow I would call to get the same recorded message. I started to worry that I was not going to get assistance. A friend suggested I apply to DoorDash, so I did.

SO during this time, not knowing when it will end, not being able to move around freely, I had a lot of time to fill. For a time, even the parks, woods and, most beaches were closed. I live alone. What to do? Many assume that I would work on my art! Aha! Is that so? One would think. Can art be turned on and off at a whim. Not for me with all this uncertainty circling around my being.

I read a blog about neurosis in the making of art. It was discussing whether or not it is required to have some kind of neurosis to be creative? Sure, neurosis can be a motivator, but the opposite is true. I believe that art manifests in limitless ways. Somehow it is seems like a cliche’ to say you are a neurotic artist, musician, writer, singer, actor. How many have died due to their neurosis, depression, drug addiction? How much art was lost due to these unfortunate deaths?

A very interesting article about Faith Ringgold was in the New York Times on June 11, “Faith Ringgold Will Keep Fighting Back, After the loss of her husband and a pandemic lockdown, this ardent activist was creatively blocked. Now, after watching the protests, she is inspired again.” Wow, just wow. I get it. She became immobilized during the lockdown and loss of her husband, but then something changed when she watched the protests that were happening all over the country. In the first case, she was blocked and the second case she became motivated. What is the difference? I can’t speak for her, but we can assume she may have been experiencing grief, fear, anxiety and depression. Any one or all of these emotions can limit your desire to do anything, much less create. The protests on the other hand probably brought up anger and passion. She is an activist, and her work expresses her activism, so this was just the right fire to get her going.

This crisis of uncertainty, altering what was once familiar, but no longer sustainable for the moment, brought up many emotions- fear, anxiety, vulnerability, sadness, and depression. We all literally went within, not just indoors, but inside ourselves. For me that journey was a revisit to other areas inside that have been ignored. I time to reassess what is important. It felt meaningless and frivolous painting pretty images when there are people dying, poor immigrants detained at the border, first responders lacking PPE face-masks and other protections. Instead of painting, I sewed. I made masks. Masks for my friends and family. One friend is a labor and delivery nurse. I made several masks for her and her coworkers. It felt useful and helpful. I researched the best fabric to use, 100% cotton tight weave. Being a textile designer for many years, I have a lot of fabric collected from my time in the apparel industry. So with some of this fabric I made 3 layer masks with a pocket for inserting a filter of some sort and long ties for securing to the head. I posted pictures of me wearing a few masks on Facebook. I even created a document, ” Debra’s Tips for Mask Making” to share with others interested in making their own. Then I started seeing masks marketed everywhere, even Banana Republic! My back and neck were hurting so much from leaning over the sewing machine and ironing board, I decided to a take a break. I cleaned my apartment, I organized, looked at my drawers full of art, reminisced about forgotten times creating, felt sad about the missed times creating, and then decided to commit to my creating. I joined this online art school for promoting your art, Praxis Center for Aesthetic Studies with Brainard Carey. This was my commitment to a minimized side of myself.

Everyday, I have ideas to create, but little time to do it. Having one’s own business requires a lot of attention. Working on people, takes sensitivity, knowledge about the body and spirit, and also creativity. It’s a different kind of creativity than creating art, but creative nonetheless. Part of my challenge is managing my time and energy. My work is intricate, detailed and up close. After a long day giving massages and reflexology, I need to move, walk in nature, rest. The day is then over and I am too tired to paint or draw. Time is needed to transition, get in the mood. I am hoping that joining Praxis will help me with this. Guide me and motivate me through the community with the support of Brainard the creator of Praxis. He seems committed to helping us artists.

So far it is going well, but slow. I have updated my www.DBeeBotanicalArt.com website which had a number of kinks to address. It took a lot of work and time, but I have started a blog and also a newsletter which I have yet to send. Everything is in position, the website, the email newsletter, even my art is ready to go. Praxis has connected me to community, to new opportunities, to learning about the art world, to meeting other artists- learning,conversing and sharing with them. It is inspiring and motivating. It is helpful to know others like me.

Through this crisis of internal exploring and facing my emotional ups and downs, I know that beauty is important, art is important. It isn’t just a frivolous meaningless act. It is a healing, a meditation, an exploration, an expression which needs and desires to come out. Especially for me, when I do create art I feel at peace which is so necessary during this time of corona.